Yardwork
I have never liked doing yardwork. Even as a child I would prefer to wash dishes than weed the garden. I look at all the beautiful fall leaves, and am so thankful that I don't have to worry about such things. When I eventually do move it will be to an apt so yardwork still won't be my problem.
There is one exception and that is I loved having a nice flower garden in the front yard. That was always a nice sight. Seems like forever ago!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ W is for Whistle / Whistling
Whistle
Ok, confession time... I at the prime age of 43 still cannot whistle. I know it seems like such a simple thing, but for whatever reason, my mouth doesn't work that way! lol I have tried the screeching whistle through the fingers, and couldn't do that either. No need to offer to teach, its been done. I just accept that fact, that I can't whistle :) Now you know one of my little secrets hahaha
Ok, confession time... I at the prime age of 43 still cannot whistle. I know it seems like such a simple thing, but for whatever reason, my mouth doesn't work that way! lol I have tried the screeching whistle through the fingers, and couldn't do that either. No need to offer to teach, its been done. I just accept that fact, that I can't whistle :) Now you know one of my little secrets hahaha
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ V is for Vapor
Vapor
I am trying the e-cig again. I have one that I had used in the past but I had 2 major complaints about and why it was so hard to stick with it. First, with the oil, sometimes it would leak and get on my lips and it was gross, Second complaint, you had to push a button to smoke, thereby not seeming like a real replacement. Well both of those things can be found in the Blu e-cig. Its light, activated by taking a drag, so it feels like smoking. But its still vapor, not smoke. I'm using it mostly as a tool to cut down on smoking and that is working well. I often would chain smoke, or let a ciggerette just burn as I got distracted, now I time my "smoke breaks" with 2 hrs between, however it has now been over 3 hrs and I still haven't had the need for a "real" ciggerette so I think thats a good thing. Who knows, maybe this will work. :)
I am trying the e-cig again. I have one that I had used in the past but I had 2 major complaints about and why it was so hard to stick with it. First, with the oil, sometimes it would leak and get on my lips and it was gross, Second complaint, you had to push a button to smoke, thereby not seeming like a real replacement. Well both of those things can be found in the Blu e-cig. Its light, activated by taking a drag, so it feels like smoking. But its still vapor, not smoke. I'm using it mostly as a tool to cut down on smoking and that is working well. I often would chain smoke, or let a ciggerette just burn as I got distracted, now I time my "smoke breaks" with 2 hrs between, however it has now been over 3 hrs and I still haven't had the need for a "real" ciggerette so I think thats a good thing. Who knows, maybe this will work. :)
Monday, October 7, 2013
Daily Prompt... U is for Unable
Unable
Sadly this is a word I am too familiar with, and it is my own doing. I am trying to break this rut, trying to be social etc. In small doses I am doing better. Kinda... Even when out with friends I am still fighting that anxiety that builds. I feel so unable to control my thoughts, emotions and self. Just lost...
Sadly this is a word I am too familiar with, and it is my own doing. I am trying to break this rut, trying to be social etc. In small doses I am doing better. Kinda... Even when out with friends I am still fighting that anxiety that builds. I feel so unable to control my thoughts, emotions and self. Just lost...
Friday, October 4, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ T is for tree
Tree
I don't have a lot of childhood memories, but a large consistency of those I do have involve a park across the street and climbing trees in general. I loved climbing trees, usually with book in pocket. I would sit in my perch, fairly high up, and just enjoy the solitude. I felt like it was my own secret safe spot. Luckily I never fell out lol
I don't have a lot of childhood memories, but a large consistency of those I do have involve a park across the street and climbing trees in general. I loved climbing trees, usually with book in pocket. I would sit in my perch, fairly high up, and just enjoy the solitude. I felt like it was my own secret safe spot. Luckily I never fell out lol
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ S is for Sassy
Sassy
I must admit to being called sassy more than once in my life, but my attitude and mouth control has grown up as I have. Sometimes a smart ass comment will still escape but thats what makes life more interesting!
When I was 15, almost 16, I was in my first foster home. It was a new, slightly terrifying experience but again I did what I had been taught about survival skills and made the most of it. There I was allowed my first true pet. I had had other pets but they were family cats and never "mine". I was allowed a kitten, and found an adorable long hair tuxedo baby girl that I named Sassy. It was cool having an animal that loved me back, especially in that time when I felt like I had no one. Sadly not knowing anything about the Foster care system, I was moved fairly quickly and the new foster parents would not allow me to bring a cat. I found a good home for her, but still remember her as MY first pet. Ironically many years later the girl that I had given her too came into the restaurant I was working at and remembered me. She actually had pics of Sassy with her and she had grown into a beautiful adult cat. I was glad I made the right choice.
I have had many cats since then. Only a few made have made the special place in my heart, above and beyond the normal love of a pet. Sassy of course bc she was the first pet who was mine and loved me, Riff, just bc he was awesome, Pepper whom we had for years and was just a great family cat, I think he was mostly Lenee's cat as he grew, they had a special bond. The last few pussycats on my list are Puppy and of course Gizmo and Lola. Puppy picked me. I still get a little sad when I think of him and miss him terribly. He was so sweet and so smart. He loved to lick your nose to say hello. So sweet. Gizmo and Lola were given to Mike and I after Puppy was hit by a car. When Mike and I broke up, I got custody of the cats. We didn't want to seperate them as they were brother and sister and had never been apart. Last year I came home to find Gizzy paralyzed from the groin down. I (of course) freaked out and got him to a vet within 10 min. Sadly he had congestive heart failure and it was a blood clot that had traveled and paralyzed him. I said a very tearful goodbye and had him put down 3-16-12. Now I just have Lola. She is bi-polar, scratched almost everyone at least once but is becoming more and more of a lovie cat. I think she likes it being just her and I. She really has become nicer to everyone now that its just her. She has a basket full of toys and her own little kitty tower, scratching post. With just a look I know when she wants a hug or some other form of attention. At night, no matter where she is, as soon as the light is off she jumps on the bed to tell me goodnight. I love her!!
I must admit to being called sassy more than once in my life, but my attitude and mouth control has grown up as I have. Sometimes a smart ass comment will still escape but thats what makes life more interesting!
When I was 15, almost 16, I was in my first foster home. It was a new, slightly terrifying experience but again I did what I had been taught about survival skills and made the most of it. There I was allowed my first true pet. I had had other pets but they were family cats and never "mine". I was allowed a kitten, and found an adorable long hair tuxedo baby girl that I named Sassy. It was cool having an animal that loved me back, especially in that time when I felt like I had no one. Sadly not knowing anything about the Foster care system, I was moved fairly quickly and the new foster parents would not allow me to bring a cat. I found a good home for her, but still remember her as MY first pet. Ironically many years later the girl that I had given her too came into the restaurant I was working at and remembered me. She actually had pics of Sassy with her and she had grown into a beautiful adult cat. I was glad I made the right choice.
I have had many cats since then. Only a few made have made the special place in my heart, above and beyond the normal love of a pet. Sassy of course bc she was the first pet who was mine and loved me, Riff, just bc he was awesome, Pepper whom we had for years and was just a great family cat, I think he was mostly Lenee's cat as he grew, they had a special bond. The last few pussycats on my list are Puppy and of course Gizmo and Lola. Puppy picked me. I still get a little sad when I think of him and miss him terribly. He was so sweet and so smart. He loved to lick your nose to say hello. So sweet. Gizmo and Lola were given to Mike and I after Puppy was hit by a car. When Mike and I broke up, I got custody of the cats. We didn't want to seperate them as they were brother and sister and had never been apart. Last year I came home to find Gizzy paralyzed from the groin down. I (of course) freaked out and got him to a vet within 10 min. Sadly he had congestive heart failure and it was a blood clot that had traveled and paralyzed him. I said a very tearful goodbye and had him put down 3-16-12. Now I just have Lola. She is bi-polar, scratched almost everyone at least once but is becoming more and more of a lovie cat. I think she likes it being just her and I. She really has become nicer to everyone now that its just her. She has a basket full of toys and her own little kitty tower, scratching post. With just a look I know when she wants a hug or some other form of attention. At night, no matter where she is, as soon as the light is off she jumps on the bed to tell me goodnight. I love her!!
Thursday morning coffee break...
Oh the chill is definitely in the air, welcome fall! Even in this chilly weather I still like to have my window at least cracked for the fresh air. Brrr, but thats what a sweater is for lol :)
Sadly not a lot going on in my little world. Still fighting for SSI and trying to survive. I think that we are on the right track for the meds as I am feeling a little better. I still have trouble leaving the house, but getting better. I wish my friends understood why its hard for me. But I guess the loneliness is all part of illness. It just sucks!
So recently Dana gave us quite the scare. We, as a family, know about Dana's issues and adding drug use to that makes her even less trustworthy and more to fear. On Sept 11th two detectives came to my door looking for her. They were unaware that I was her mother, so I am glad they found me. They were concerned bc she was a "missing witness" in a key case in Pend 'Oreille county. They needed her testimony to keep a baddie in jail. She was not located by the 19th so the charges were dismissed, but still no Dana. At that time she went from "missing witness" to "missing person". I learned very quickly that when a witness is missing they go all out looking, however missing persons are just another name on the pile. Its up to family and friends to find a missing adult. Thank goodness for the power of the internet. Her pic was shared over 3000 times on facebook within the first 24 hours. By the end of the weekend she called crime check herself, tweaked out from what it sounds like, and told them she was not missing and to leave her alone. My heart breaks that she has made these choices, but I've done all I can do for her.
As for the rest of us, things are well. Both Liam and Collin are now 2. We had wonderful parties for them both. Collin is with such a wonderful family. I love them, and couldn't wish for anything better from him. Liams party was quite fun. Its nice to see Lenee have such a wonderful family of her own!!
Not really much else to visit about. I have a very boring existence.... as I keep reminding ya'll :) Romance is non-existant, but I am understanding about that, hell, I wouldn't even want to date me. lol I was told once that some people are just meant to be alone, they don't have that "sparkle" to share with another. A nice way of saying, you are destined to a life with cats.
I am planning on being somewhat social this weekend, and there will be pics as proof. lol Tomorrow should be another horror movie night with friends, of course at my place, which is nice. Saturday I am doing something I am quite excited about. Ive always wanted to do a pub crawl, but have never had the opportunity. Saturday my friends bought me a ticket for Spokane's first Zombie crawl. Dressed in our best zombie gear, there are 8 bars and t shirt at the end. It should be a whole lot of fun! Im excited to be part of it, and grateful to have such good friends to treat me to such an event!
Well, coffee is empty so thats my cue... hope all is well! Also thank you for reading my little blurbs of nothingness. :)
Sadly not a lot going on in my little world. Still fighting for SSI and trying to survive. I think that we are on the right track for the meds as I am feeling a little better. I still have trouble leaving the house, but getting better. I wish my friends understood why its hard for me. But I guess the loneliness is all part of illness. It just sucks!
So recently Dana gave us quite the scare. We, as a family, know about Dana's issues and adding drug use to that makes her even less trustworthy and more to fear. On Sept 11th two detectives came to my door looking for her. They were unaware that I was her mother, so I am glad they found me. They were concerned bc she was a "missing witness" in a key case in Pend 'Oreille county. They needed her testimony to keep a baddie in jail. She was not located by the 19th so the charges were dismissed, but still no Dana. At that time she went from "missing witness" to "missing person". I learned very quickly that when a witness is missing they go all out looking, however missing persons are just another name on the pile. Its up to family and friends to find a missing adult. Thank goodness for the power of the internet. Her pic was shared over 3000 times on facebook within the first 24 hours. By the end of the weekend she called crime check herself, tweaked out from what it sounds like, and told them she was not missing and to leave her alone. My heart breaks that she has made these choices, but I've done all I can do for her.
As for the rest of us, things are well. Both Liam and Collin are now 2. We had wonderful parties for them both. Collin is with such a wonderful family. I love them, and couldn't wish for anything better from him. Liams party was quite fun. Its nice to see Lenee have such a wonderful family of her own!!
Not really much else to visit about. I have a very boring existence.... as I keep reminding ya'll :) Romance is non-existant, but I am understanding about that, hell, I wouldn't even want to date me. lol I was told once that some people are just meant to be alone, they don't have that "sparkle" to share with another. A nice way of saying, you are destined to a life with cats.
I am planning on being somewhat social this weekend, and there will be pics as proof. lol Tomorrow should be another horror movie night with friends, of course at my place, which is nice. Saturday I am doing something I am quite excited about. Ive always wanted to do a pub crawl, but have never had the opportunity. Saturday my friends bought me a ticket for Spokane's first Zombie crawl. Dressed in our best zombie gear, there are 8 bars and t shirt at the end. It should be a whole lot of fun! Im excited to be part of it, and grateful to have such good friends to treat me to such an event!
Well, coffee is empty so thats my cue... hope all is well! Also thank you for reading my little blurbs of nothingness. :)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ R is for Radio
Radio
I must confess I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore. Most radio time was while in car, now that I no longer drive... yeah
I do listen to internet radio as in Pandora and 2 of my friends are DJ's online but thats really not the same thing. With Pandora or my own itunes to listen to, there just isn't that need in my life. Strange some of the things I don't realise I miss until I really think about it. Technology has replaced many things but I admit I love having my music easily accessible!
I must confess I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore. Most radio time was while in car, now that I no longer drive... yeah
I do listen to internet radio as in Pandora and 2 of my friends are DJ's online but thats really not the same thing. With Pandora or my own itunes to listen to, there just isn't that need in my life. Strange some of the things I don't realise I miss until I really think about it. Technology has replaced many things but I admit I love having my music easily accessible!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ Q is for question
Question
I'm full of questions. Most will never be asked to the appropriate parties, but I still have them. When learning new things I will question until I feel I know what is needed and I am never afraid to stop a conversation to ask the meaning of a new word. Questions keep us wondering, keeps our minds busy. When you stop asking questions, you stop learning and what is life without constant lessons and learning each day.
*** side note, and random question... I do another blog. Its a scary movie blog, short, sweetish and to the point with no spoilers. Do you think I should also link it to my facebook so that you can read it like this one. Please let me know :)
I'm full of questions. Most will never be asked to the appropriate parties, but I still have them. When learning new things I will question until I feel I know what is needed and I am never afraid to stop a conversation to ask the meaning of a new word. Questions keep us wondering, keeps our minds busy. When you stop asking questions, you stop learning and what is life without constant lessons and learning each day.
*** side note, and random question... I do another blog. Its a scary movie blog, short, sweetish and to the point with no spoilers. Do you think I should also link it to my facebook so that you can read it like this one. Please let me know :)
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ P is for Packrat
Packrat
I used to be a packrat. I had the boxes of holiday stuff, for most holidays, the craft box, the cross stitch box, the old magazines etc... and usually could find uses for items. The last 4 years of just renting a room has taken care of a lot of those things. I now have what I need for basic comfort and boxes of stuff, several of those are all Christmas :)
I have realized with getting rid of so much and starting over, that I am still a hoarder of books. I am always willing to give them a good home, sometimes (often lately) I don't read them... but can't turn down free books! Thats just... bad!
I don't know what my home will be like when I do move from here... its still a long way off, but an exciting thought!
I used to be a packrat. I had the boxes of holiday stuff, for most holidays, the craft box, the cross stitch box, the old magazines etc... and usually could find uses for items. The last 4 years of just renting a room has taken care of a lot of those things. I now have what I need for basic comfort and boxes of stuff, several of those are all Christmas :)
I have realized with getting rid of so much and starting over, that I am still a hoarder of books. I am always willing to give them a good home, sometimes (often lately) I don't read them... but can't turn down free books! Thats just... bad!
I don't know what my home will be like when I do move from here... its still a long way off, but an exciting thought!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ O is for Observe
Observe
I usually am a pretty social person, but in new situations my anxiety will often kick in... Thats when people watching, observing all around you, you can learn so much and be totally entertained. As much as I hate to admit it, but Walmart is also a fairly entertaining place just to people watch. I like to wonder what their life is really like. Are they coming from work, or are they in the oh so casual pj pants. lol Its fun to try to figure people out just by sight, or make a scenario up. Sometimes snarky comments have to be made! lol
I usually am a pretty social person, but in new situations my anxiety will often kick in... Thats when people watching, observing all around you, you can learn so much and be totally entertained. As much as I hate to admit it, but Walmart is also a fairly entertaining place just to people watch. I like to wonder what their life is really like. Are they coming from work, or are they in the oh so casual pj pants. lol Its fun to try to figure people out just by sight, or make a scenario up. Sometimes snarky comments have to be made! lol
Monday, September 16, 2013
My daughter is missing
Ok, so here is the whats going on in my world. Last week a detective came to my home looking for Dana. She has not been seen since Sept 4th around 2am leaving a park in Browns Addition. I spoke with him again today and he said to give him a week, before we file an official missing persons case, so she is not an official "missing person", however there are a lot of other factors within her lifestyle that has me terrified for her. Here is her picture, also known as Danielle she has been known to be in Portland, Vancouver, Olympia and Seattle, and Pend O'riele County. If seen please contact me immediately Anjithoren@hotmail.com. Please share...
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Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ N is for Nephew
Nephew
What a great word of the day for today. I am the proud Aunt of Max, my only nephew and today is his first birthday. Sadly I have never met the little darling in person, but have seen lots of pics. As my brother and his wife live in different state, I just don't have the traveling ability. Also sadly, my brother and I aren't that close. I do look forward to a day when we can get Max, Liam and Collin all together. It would be so fun, and I know my dad would be overjoyed. Hes so happy to have boys in the family again, since I only seem to produce girls. lol
It was cool to finally become an Aunt. I had been a Grandma for over a year before finally getting that title. :)
What a great word of the day for today. I am the proud Aunt of Max, my only nephew and today is his first birthday. Sadly I have never met the little darling in person, but have seen lots of pics. As my brother and his wife live in different state, I just don't have the traveling ability. Also sadly, my brother and I aren't that close. I do look forward to a day when we can get Max, Liam and Collin all together. It would be so fun, and I know my dad would be overjoyed. Hes so happy to have boys in the family again, since I only seem to produce girls. lol
It was cool to finally become an Aunt. I had been a Grandma for over a year before finally getting that title. :)
Friday, September 6, 2013
Daily prompt ~ M is for Mile
Mile
Even as a child, doing those horrid PE classes, I hated the dreaded timed mile run we had to do twice a year. It seemed such a long way to run. Oh how I hated it!
Now as a middle aged adult, I still can't imagine running a mile, ( unless being chased by someone or something) but now I can easily handle walking it without issue. I remember when I started this weight loss journey my first walk was 1.09 miles and I thought I was going to die! lol Now, once that milestone was passed with Amity we won't go under. Of course that is not a bad thing! Someday I will do a 5k, thats a goal of mine, but I want it to be a fun one :)
Even as a child, doing those horrid PE classes, I hated the dreaded timed mile run we had to do twice a year. It seemed such a long way to run. Oh how I hated it!
Now as a middle aged adult, I still can't imagine running a mile, ( unless being chased by someone or something) but now I can easily handle walking it without issue. I remember when I started this weight loss journey my first walk was 1.09 miles and I thought I was going to die! lol Now, once that milestone was passed with Amity we won't go under. Of course that is not a bad thing! Someday I will do a 5k, thats a goal of mine, but I want it to be a fun one :)
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Daily prompt ~ Lighter
Lighter
Its the strangest phenomenon but one many others can attest too, lighters are like a childs paci and disappear randomly. Or even better, if you have many, they will all die at the same time. Soooo frustrating! I have been caught in a super stressful situation where all I wanted was a smoke - - and no fire to be found. As a result I have a back up lighter and books of matches in my purse at all times! :)
Friday, August 23, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ Keepsake
Keepsake
I love keepsakes, and trinkets. I have a large treasure chest and a smaller one. The treasures inside vary, but I know the story behind most. Some are obvious, cards, a playbill or movie ticket stub from dates, my children's report cards and artwork, love letters and old journals. Some are not so obvious to most, a rock, a lighter, or a tiny porcelain duck. All my treasures.
I love trinket boxes too. I may not have anything to put in them, but still like the way they look. I want a puzzle box, but have never gone to truly purchase. Trinket boxes are easy to find at most thrift stores, then they have a story...
I love keepsakes, and trinkets. I have a large treasure chest and a smaller one. The treasures inside vary, but I know the story behind most. Some are obvious, cards, a playbill or movie ticket stub from dates, my children's report cards and artwork, love letters and old journals. Some are not so obvious to most, a rock, a lighter, or a tiny porcelain duck. All my treasures.
I love trinket boxes too. I may not have anything to put in them, but still like the way they look. I want a puzzle box, but have never gone to truly purchase. Trinket boxes are easy to find at most thrift stores, then they have a story...
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ Jump
Jump
As most of you know, I love bunnies! They are my favorite animal. I have of course the cute collection of ceramics, stuffies, an oil painting and even bunny jewelry. I have had a couple different pet rabbits, but Stephen was my favorite. I was able to box train him, and he had stairs so he could sleep with me at night. I loved that boy! He was a large Florida white and sooooo affectionate! The girls would go to the corner store on weekends and they would give us the not quite fresh produce, but good for rabbits. Stephen ate good on weekends. lol
Another of my favorite things about bunnies are the show jumping bunnies! I would love to have a bunny to train to jump like that!! If you haven't seen them in action check it out here! Too cute too miss! As I close I will end with a picture of me and Stephen on the day we met :)
As most of you know, I love bunnies! They are my favorite animal. I have of course the cute collection of ceramics, stuffies, an oil painting and even bunny jewelry. I have had a couple different pet rabbits, but Stephen was my favorite. I was able to box train him, and he had stairs so he could sleep with me at night. I loved that boy! He was a large Florida white and sooooo affectionate! The girls would go to the corner store on weekends and they would give us the not quite fresh produce, but good for rabbits. Stephen ate good on weekends. lol
Another of my favorite things about bunnies are the show jumping bunnies! I would love to have a bunny to train to jump like that!! If you haven't seen them in action check it out here! Too cute too miss! As I close I will end with a picture of me and Stephen on the day we met :)
Monday, August 19, 2013
Monday afternoon coffee break
I know it has been almost a month again. Truth is, there just isn't much to talk about on day to day basis. I really am that boring!!
On the personal level, I am still fighting this depression. We tried an initial adding of meds after the last meltdown, but still wasn't enough. I was doing better, for the most part. I had begun walking on daily basis again, and in return losing a little of the weight put back on. I was beginning to feel social and a little more me. Then came the monthly surge of hormones.... It was bad again. Back to where I started with last months meltdown. I spent a day crying over nothing and everything, my self loathing was strong, my sense of purpose lost, again I went into that strange autopilot mode and hurt myself, waiting, hoping, that it would hurt this time and let me know I was still capable of feeling anything other than despair. I wanted to hide, but at the same time just wished I had someone who could just hold me and reassure me that its all ok. Of course that didn't happen. However James turned out to be my hero of the evening. He was online and initiated conversation. He turned on a new station calling it Anji Fm, since I was the only listener and playing things I would like. Even only via computer he kept me "company" until after 4am, and distracted me enough that I quit crying and became functional. I don't know how that night would have ended without him. I'm glad we're friends again!
So with that meltdown came days of insomnia, no exercise in almost a week now, and a Dr apt last Friday. They have upped my meds again, hoping we can get the right combo. I really, really hope so, but feel we won't really know until next month when PMS hits again. Oh fingers crossed! I hate being out of control like that. I'm even trying to get the uummpphhh enough to work out tonight. I haven't even been thinking about it for a bit, that's a good sign I think! Tomorrow we are walking! I need to get back on track.
On the financial area of things.... they still suck!! I got my first denial from SSI with a pretty lame as excuse for denial, so I am going to appeal. I hope I don't have to lawyer up, but I am beginning to see it is the only option if I want this done. I can't live on $120 a month. Its only the middle of the month, and I'm out of things needed, right now major is cat litter. Sigh.... I'm a bad kitty mommy! At least she has food!
Romantically..... things are (as always) in that lovely grey area. I can't seem to break trend of wanting the unattainable. Falling for the men that will never love me back. Its easier to hide, I keep trying to remember that.
Family is all doing well as far as I know. Collin is now two. Such a big, beautiful boy! He still has those amazing eyes, and a head full of curls. I wish we could see him more, but understand how busy things can be. I haven't got to hang out with Liam recently, every time they needed a sitter I had an appointment of one kind or the other. Still have at least 2 more before end of month. Its so nice to have medical! But today Lenee posted a video of him, he really likes grapes haha. I love those boys! Still no contact with Danielle. Even though I need to protect myself and remember this is for the best, it still hurts a mothers heart. I worry for her and hope good things every day for her. Sadly the last time I saw her physically she looked "pharmaceutically skinny". I would bet money (if I had any) that she is on meth, and doing god knows what to get it. Hopefully she isn't to lost, and someday she will get the help she needs thus allowing her back into the family. The last time seeing Lily was when we went to see her in the play. She is 16 now and growing into such a beautiful young woman. Her new beau is a little cutie pie too. I like seeing her happy!!
Well, sadly that's really about it. This week I have a movie night scheduled with a friend who likes horror movies as much as I do. If you like a good gory movie, watch "The Collection", available now on streaming Netflix. OMG! Its a crazy movie but awesome, and as I posted in my movie blog, Was It Scary, one of the best mass execution scenes ever! Other than that no plans. The gang is going to karaoke on Friday, and a friend is having birthday party at same bar Saturday. I don't know if I'm up for either. I said I would go on Friday for disco night. It will be fun, however the more I think about it, the more unsure I am about going. Being mildly agoraphobic gets even more than mild when depressed. Even if I went I'd be afraid of being the wet blanket and I wouldn't want to ruin everyone else's good time. Hmm... I think I settled my mind on this topic. Hahaha
On the personal level, I am still fighting this depression. We tried an initial adding of meds after the last meltdown, but still wasn't enough. I was doing better, for the most part. I had begun walking on daily basis again, and in return losing a little of the weight put back on. I was beginning to feel social and a little more me. Then came the monthly surge of hormones.... It was bad again. Back to where I started with last months meltdown. I spent a day crying over nothing and everything, my self loathing was strong, my sense of purpose lost, again I went into that strange autopilot mode and hurt myself, waiting, hoping, that it would hurt this time and let me know I was still capable of feeling anything other than despair. I wanted to hide, but at the same time just wished I had someone who could just hold me and reassure me that its all ok. Of course that didn't happen. However James turned out to be my hero of the evening. He was online and initiated conversation. He turned on a new station calling it Anji Fm, since I was the only listener and playing things I would like. Even only via computer he kept me "company" until after 4am, and distracted me enough that I quit crying and became functional. I don't know how that night would have ended without him. I'm glad we're friends again!
So with that meltdown came days of insomnia, no exercise in almost a week now, and a Dr apt last Friday. They have upped my meds again, hoping we can get the right combo. I really, really hope so, but feel we won't really know until next month when PMS hits again. Oh fingers crossed! I hate being out of control like that. I'm even trying to get the uummpphhh enough to work out tonight. I haven't even been thinking about it for a bit, that's a good sign I think! Tomorrow we are walking! I need to get back on track.
On the financial area of things.... they still suck!! I got my first denial from SSI with a pretty lame as excuse for denial, so I am going to appeal. I hope I don't have to lawyer up, but I am beginning to see it is the only option if I want this done. I can't live on $120 a month. Its only the middle of the month, and I'm out of things needed, right now major is cat litter. Sigh.... I'm a bad kitty mommy! At least she has food!
Romantically..... things are (as always) in that lovely grey area. I can't seem to break trend of wanting the unattainable. Falling for the men that will never love me back. Its easier to hide, I keep trying to remember that.
Family is all doing well as far as I know. Collin is now two. Such a big, beautiful boy! He still has those amazing eyes, and a head full of curls. I wish we could see him more, but understand how busy things can be. I haven't got to hang out with Liam recently, every time they needed a sitter I had an appointment of one kind or the other. Still have at least 2 more before end of month. Its so nice to have medical! But today Lenee posted a video of him, he really likes grapes haha. I love those boys! Still no contact with Danielle. Even though I need to protect myself and remember this is for the best, it still hurts a mothers heart. I worry for her and hope good things every day for her. Sadly the last time I saw her physically she looked "pharmaceutically skinny". I would bet money (if I had any) that she is on meth, and doing god knows what to get it. Hopefully she isn't to lost, and someday she will get the help she needs thus allowing her back into the family. The last time seeing Lily was when we went to see her in the play. She is 16 now and growing into such a beautiful young woman. Her new beau is a little cutie pie too. I like seeing her happy!!
Well, sadly that's really about it. This week I have a movie night scheduled with a friend who likes horror movies as much as I do. If you like a good gory movie, watch "The Collection", available now on streaming Netflix. OMG! Its a crazy movie but awesome, and as I posted in my movie blog, Was It Scary, one of the best mass execution scenes ever! Other than that no plans. The gang is going to karaoke on Friday, and a friend is having birthday party at same bar Saturday. I don't know if I'm up for either. I said I would go on Friday for disco night. It will be fun, however the more I think about it, the more unsure I am about going. Being mildly agoraphobic gets even more than mild when depressed. Even if I went I'd be afraid of being the wet blanket and I wouldn't want to ruin everyone else's good time. Hmm... I think I settled my mind on this topic. Hahaha
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Daily prompt ~ Idea
Idea
I enjoy writing but coming up with idea's on my own seems to be difficult. That is why I do this, the little ramblings based on a one word idea. The list I use is A to Z and simple enough (in theory) to pick a word out of the list on appropriate letter. My problem with the "master list" is that some letters only have two or three words to choose from. Heres where I need your help. My idea is this, please leave a comment with any one word prompts that at some point will be picked and rambled about. I need lots more words! Thank you dear readers <3
I enjoy writing but coming up with idea's on my own seems to be difficult. That is why I do this, the little ramblings based on a one word idea. The list I use is A to Z and simple enough (in theory) to pick a word out of the list on appropriate letter. My problem with the "master list" is that some letters only have two or three words to choose from. Heres where I need your help. My idea is this, please leave a comment with any one word prompts that at some point will be picked and rambled about. I need lots more words! Thank you dear readers <3
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Daily Prompt ~ Hands
Hands
I have never been too happy with my hands. I have small hands with short chubby fingers. When I was younger I bit my nails to the bloody quicks which never helped. With sausage fingers, and no fingernails, it looked terriblee. When available finacially I used to pay to get my nails done. I always felt just a little prettier when I bought nails. When I did finally quit biting my nails in 2007, I became obsessed with keeping them perfectly shaped and polished. I now have quite the collection, and possibly an addiction to nail polish. There are always so many pretty new colors!! I try to do them at least once a week, but often will get bored and change them more often. So now I have pretty nails, and middle aged hands. Its wierd when you start to notice things looking "older". My hands seem worn, skin almost loose and every scar and scratch ever had seems to show up more. Also now I am getting the pangs of arthritis in the joints... getting old sucks!!
Today's prompt again brought to us by Scruffy-loves LJ
I have never been too happy with my hands. I have small hands with short chubby fingers. When I was younger I bit my nails to the bloody quicks which never helped. With sausage fingers, and no fingernails, it looked terriblee. When available finacially I used to pay to get my nails done. I always felt just a little prettier when I bought nails. When I did finally quit biting my nails in 2007, I became obsessed with keeping them perfectly shaped and polished. I now have quite the collection, and possibly an addiction to nail polish. There are always so many pretty new colors!! I try to do them at least once a week, but often will get bored and change them more often. So now I have pretty nails, and middle aged hands. Its wierd when you start to notice things looking "older". My hands seem worn, skin almost loose and every scar and scratch ever had seems to show up more. Also now I am getting the pangs of arthritis in the joints... getting old sucks!!
Today's prompt again brought to us by Scruffy-loves LJ
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