Daily prompt: Others

As previously mentioned I was looking for a writing prompt site and I found a couple I like.  So in my efforts to continue writing / journaling here we go...

Todays prompt:  Others

What a weird word to start with!  lol  The very first thought that came to mind was the movie "The Others" with Nicole Kidman.  I actually really enjoyed that movie, it was a nice twist to the other ghost haunting movies.  Horror movies in general are my favorite.  It crosses over into the Thriller genre as well.  One of my personal favorites, that now with thought I will need to watch again, is "Death of a ghost hunter"  Great story!

Bored...

I miss writing, or just rambling for the what not.  I think I am going to look for something like I was part of before, where once a day there was a new "topic", could be one word, could be a phrase but it made you think.  I enjoyed the memories that would flood back, or where the imagination can take me.   If so, this will be where I post.  Hmmm what can I find...

Update and Christmas wish list...

So I realize that it has been ages since I have written anything, and for that I apologize    Much has happened since July.

Quick update:  Dana has lost custody of Collin (surprise) but his foster / soon to be adoptive parents, and family are amazing, wonderful, caring people who still allow the rest of the family to be in his life.  I get a playdate with him tomorrow actually.  I am always so happy to see him!  Unfortunately Dana has dropped out of pic completely.  No one has heard from her in weeks, and then she sends a text to Collins foster mom asking for money, claiming to be stuck in Portland   I never heard anything from her and S. was smart enough not to send her money or anything.

Lenee and Sean were married in August at my fathers back yard.  It was beautiful and I am so happy for her.  The Grady's have even graciously accepted me into their loving, normal family.  Liam is so smart and handsome.  I get to spend a lot more time with him so he knows who Nana is and loves me back!

I am still working with my Dr in trying to keep my CVS under control.  As it has almost been 3 months since my last serious episode.  I am ecstatic about that.  I am worried about the fact I dont know how I am going to afford the meds that are working so well.  I have until the 18th of Dec to figure it out.

As you know, I have been unemployed for over a year.  With my illness it is hard to find a job when the last 4 I was let go bc of attendance   My unemployment has just recently ran out giving me an income of $0.  I had my panic attack a few weeks ago, and now just scrambling to survive.

On that note, for friends and family who have inquired about my Christmas list, its fairly simple.  This year, monetary gifts are most appreciated to try to keep my head above water.  If you feel the need to buy something, what I need (and appreciate) is the basic things that cost money.  Shampoo, Conditioner, Body wash, toothpaste,lotion, deodorant, Laundry detergent, fabric softener, cat food, girly stuff etc...   I know it sounds random, and fairly sad that this is my wish list.   I have been self sufficient for so long, it scares me that I cant "fix this".

Happy 4th of July

July 4th has always been one of my favorite holidays.  When I was a kid I remember staying up super late as my parents and friends always had a great supply of fireworks that (back then) we could light in the street and have a show.  As a teenager, my best friend Tracy, had this lucky day as her birthday so there was always quite the party. :)  Then as I got older, this date became memories (in no particular order) of first kisses under the fireworks, serenaded in the park by new beau, a marriage proposal and of course the birth of my 2nd daughter.  There was (in general) something magical about the day!

Now as I get older and a bit more cynical I have lost the magic.  I have no one to share the innocent wonder of the fireworks in the sky,  and it just feels like another day.  That saddens me that the basic every day crap of my life has even taken the magic out of the holidays.  Sigh...

really?

So I often see banana peels on the sidewalk and it always makes me smile.  Has anyone truly ever slipped on a banana peel while walking down the walk.  Why weren't they aware enough of their surroundings to slip on it in the first place??  These are some of things I ponder...

I don't have much to say...

Yeah, I know I don't blog as often as I used too, but things are pretty boring around here for the most part.

I still can say that I love my new Dr.!  We have changed up the med regiment a little bit, and added one for exercising.  I have had one episode since I last blogged, ended up in the ER again... twice.  I told them that it wasn't over when they sent me home and sure enough as soon as the meds were out of my system I was right back where I started but a hair bit worse.  Ugh!  The second trip was more successful.  I was still sick for two more days but it was manageable.  Thats all I want!  If I can stay out of the er, and just get sick and better at home, I am all for it!

I am still walking and stretching / toning almost daily.  I have lost 25lbs since November.  15 of that is just since Feb.  I am a bit OCD in things, and with that is I am a list maker.  My first walk was Feb 16 and I only went 1.09 miles.  Now my average is 6 miles :)

I've seen some odd things on my walks.  The amount of abandoned shopping carts in one particular area is multiplying.  Another area I walk through has a large amount of "No Trespassing" signs.  Its not a "bad area of town" so why would those 2 blocks be so paranoid??  The most strangely disturbing thing I have seen was a dead Robin.  Now its not a dead bird that freaked me out... it was the childs glove that lay next to it... creepy!! On the happier side of things I have found 7 four leafed clovers.  I dont really "look" for them but if I stop for a drink of water I will look down, also I look down when I walk generally so if it jumps out at me that quickly it was meant for me! lol  I still however have not found one in anothers yard.  I did once but left it there bc I didn't want to go in their yard. lol

On that note, I have already done my stretching and my phone is finally charged so I am off for my walk.  I love having both Pandora and Map My Fitness on my phone. :)  It makes me smile that my jeans are loose enough that I can carry a bottle of water in my front pocket.

random....

So there are some etiquette rules when walking along the sidewalk.  One of these things are when passing someone, if eye contact is made, some sort of greeting is almost expected even if it is an awkward "hello" while on way.

Today as I was walking I passed a woman who upon our passing, looked me right in the eye and said simply, "Things will get better".

I couldn't respond, but was uplifted by her simple statement...  things will get better!

observations made today....

So as before mentioned I am walking almost daily and starting to really enjoy them.  My route of choice is about 4 miles now, and I have already mapped the next "extensions" when I am ready to go longer.  Today I made several observations, and found $0.18! lol

Neighborhood dogs are getting used to me.  There are several now that used to bark as I walked by, now they just look at me.... Oh her again!

The flowers are blooming!!  Ive seen lots of starts but today was the first blooming daffodils that I have seen and they made me smile.  No tulips yet, but I keep looking for them also.  Another house I pass has these little yellow flowers that I think are buttercups, I dont know but they are another happy flower of some kind.

Sidewalk chalk is interesting to walk through.  I felt I should try to walk around it as much as possible to avoid messing up some child's "masterpiece", but some steps were unavoidable!  Another house I pass has a GIANT chalkboard in the backyard.  I thought that was a fantastic idea!

Well those were a few of my observations today.  Not much going on in my little corner of the world anyhow.  SSDD as they used to say :)

Routines

Routines... we all have them weather we are aware of them or not.  It could be as simple as coffee, smoke and check your computer in specific order in morning, to day to day itinerary of list of to-dos. Sadly in my solitary lifestyle I have become the latter.  I like lists.  I like crossing shit off a list and feeling that brief moment of accomplishment.  Sad? Maybe... but it works for me! lol

Lily is here for Spring break!  Yay!  I love spending time with her.  I feel bad that I am so poor at the moment that we cant really even do anything fun, but we still have fun just being together.  

With that in mind, my routines are all messed up with the addition of an extra person in my solitary existance.  Im glad shes here, but I understand why I had a hard time keeping the house super clean when the kids were about.  When she hops in the shower is my time to sweep, dust, etc and of course as I type this she is getting ready to go so I shall too.  

Maybe something cool will be seen on the walk today.  Its not a shopping trip so I am taking her on the full route.  Should be fun!  Later lovies <3

lesson learned

So I was all excited for my walk today, it was a short one considering we planned on just going to the store and back.  I forgot to take my meds before leaving and within .25 mile my back was hurting.  I was happy to get to the store so I could sit for a few.  Worst part is that I was nauseas by the time I got home.  Grrr....  Lesson learned, I MUST take my meds before walking.  Sucky routine to have to do but its worth it!

Im back

So I haven't blogged in forever but feel like its a good time to start again.  After all isn't this a forum where I can ramble about the mundane existence that I call my life.  Yep, that's right, you get this...  lol

So things are just about the same in my sad little world.  Romantically - well since I last posted he I and got back together 2ce and broken up again. This time however I am done.  I wish we were friends still however.  Not the hang out type of friends, as I really dont think I could see him in person, but I would be happy to talk email, Facebook, text or even phone.  Unfortunately he is better by erasing me completely.  However that led me to some self revelations that some of you will bitch about, but again, this is my blog, my forum, get over it.  Anyhow, my revelation is this... I am not meant to be in a relationship.   I am toxic.  2ce I have taken good, driven, motivated men, and left them unemployed, and broken.  Others would prefer to completely erase me and any knowledge that they ever knew me.  Thats the part that hurts the most.  It makes me wonder truly what is so wrong with me that it is better erase me that admit they know me.  However I have taken the hint and am not going to put anyone else through that and stay to myself.

So medically I broke down and finally got a Dr.  I explained to him my phobia of Dr's and my past treatment. This Dr is wonderful!  He knows about CVS and even let me know that he has done more research since I became his patient.  He has me on 2 different medications, well 3 if you count the exercising regiment but I am hopeful that it will work.  I have discovered that exercising  will set me off on a CVS attack so we now know how to prevent that.  I was worried about going to the Dr bc *J goes to the same clinic but so far I have been lucky and not ran into him!

On the exercise note, I have been trying to take walks daily.  At first the pain in my back, hips and then tummy was really an issue.  But as I said Dr put me on meds before I go.  So now I take an anti nausea and a couple Tylenol and off I go.   My goal is to find something to mention each day that I notice and bore you with it!! I am up to 3.25 mile per average.  The weight is coming off too and that makes me happy!

Well lovies, I am going to run away as the sleepys are hitting so I am going to run away.  I promise to be more writing of my daily efforts...

Friday evening coffee break :)

Ok, finally a little clarity to play catch up.

Sorry about the last post, I guess I shouldn't have been typing while being shot full of narcotics for a week!  Again, sorry Lily!

This has been a crazy fun week around here!  Sunday was Lenee's first baby shower, with another tomorrow.  It was a lovely occasion in the park, and then a caravan to her and Seans place.  She got alot of nice gifts and showered in love, which is always nice to see!

My sister is in town so we spent a couple days visiting with her as well.  I love my little sister, but with her in Canada, it feels like forever since we have seen each other.  Luckily the Canadian government agrees that she needed a visit to the states.  I guess my illness can be good for something :)

Also this week I got to visit with my bestie Jenni!  It was so wonderful seeing her and the girls again!  We had our own circle of love under the tree that kept shifting with the sun. One of these weekends Im gonna drive over there and spend the weekend.  That will be a fun one!

Lets see... other than the social stuff, not to much to report....

The kittens are doing amazing.  The lil calico went to her new home today.  I know she will be loved and pampered in her new home.  Now to find an equally loving home for the lil boy...  if anyone knows anyone who wants a kitten...

I still think about him... way more than I should.  Nothing sucks more than unrequited love, especially when the object of affection doesn't deserve, or want it...

Miserable week!

Things are finally on the upside so I have some momentarily cleraity to get some of the ordeal down on "paper".

I am currently at Vally General Hospital.  I have now been here for 6 days.  Ugh!!

On Saturday (August 6th) I started not feeling well.  Poor Lilly was at home, but so good and understanding when mom gets sick.  Lots of showers, and lots of vomiting does not make for a fun visit with mom.  She was being picked up Sunday.  Pretty much right after she left, Mama Sue asked if I wanted a ride to the er.  I of course said yes, as this bout wasnt getting any better.  My er visits are pretty typical.  Ususally their are some questions, what works for you, ok lets get you better and off I go.  This time it was differrrent.  They needed xrays bc they found some sort of "obstruction" in there.  Now the fun really begins.I was still throwing up so they decided it was time for the ng tube.  That nasty piece of plastic goes up my noes down my throat and sucks my gut out.  Ewwwwww!!  I could hear the suction... no fun!  The worst part is that it hurt my throat!  My throat is still so raw, everything feel like shards of glass.  Unfortunately I kinda took the tube out by my self.  Not intentionally, but in my very vivid dream if the arrow stayed in place the poisen would certainly be my death!  lol  That could be another reason for my throat hurting like it does.  Im not a dr qualified to remove those things.  The best news is that they didn't put it back and have been letting me eat little things.  I just graduated to a cheese sandwich!  Tastes like heavon!  I want to sleep... maybe its time for morpheine again?  Cant hurt to ask right?

Interview today

Today I have an interview at Center Partners.  I am pretty confident that I will get the job, even though it is not what I wanted to continue doing.  I was hoping to get out of call center work, but I am really good at customer service, and I need to work!  Its the type of interview where you leave employed so hopefully I will have some good news later today!!

Lily will be here on Friday for the weekend.  Yay!  I always enjoy time with her.  I miss her so much!  I know how hard it is to be 14, and she and her father are definitely feeling the pangs of teen angst.  Ugh!  That I don't miss, but I wish that she would talk to me!!

This weekend is also Dana's baby shower for Collin.  Even though he made his appearance early, we still need to celebrate.  I love that little man so much!!

Collin Matthew Meier

I was proud and privileged to witness the birth of my first grandson Collin Matthew Meier into the world Saturday July 30th at 7:42pm.  He weighed 5lbs 9 oz and is 19 inches long.  He has lots of dirty blonde hair and is just beautifully perfect.

As he was born via c-section, we had quite the waiting game for his arrival.  As we were going up to surgery, the tears finally came, my baby was having a baby... this is real.  Dana and I hugged and cried, and away we went.  I held her hand and talked to her while they got him out.  Again the tears came when we heard his first cry.  I kissed her forehead and called her mama.  I stood up and watched as the nurses cleaned him up, weighed him, bundled him and then passed him to me.  I got to be the first family member to welcome him into my arms.  Its been 14 years since I held a baby and felt that instant unconditional love we feel for our children.  I showed him to Dana, she kissed his forehead and Collin and I went to NICU while they finished up with Dana and she went to recovery.  To be reunited in her room a couple hours later.

Moment of "rest"

So today is the big day.  Dana's C-section is scheduled for 8:30pm.  With as much back and forth as the drs have been, I really hope it happens!  Poor Dana is getting frustrated and sooooo impatient!  But it will be wonderful to meet Collin and hold my new grandson!

Did some job apps today.  I applied for a call center position that I am pretty confident about.  I really didn't want to do call center work again, but I'm good at it so...  Also with it being my bane of existence for the last 8 years I'm kinda stuck.  :)

Well, laundry is going and basic chores done so I think its time to shower and get ready to go back to the hospital.  It sure was nice sleeping in my own bed last night!

update...

So the Drs have decided NOT to do the surgery today.  With some changes to her meds, the blood pressure is at a controllable leval so they are going to continue monitoring and see what happens.  Dana will still be having a c-section, but (hopefully) not for another week or 2.  Always best to let baby go close to term!

Side note.... I am freaking exhausted!  I have appointments I need to take care of today but told Dana I will be back tonight and agreed to sleep on the hospital hide-a-bed for another evening.  I know she doesnt want to be alone :)

update...

So  Dana has been admitted to the hospital.  They will be doing a C section tomorrow and we will be welcoming little Collin to the world.  Exciting but scary times.  I will be staying here tonight so she wont be alone.  I will continue to update as we learn more.

the next cycle begins...

Dana has been admitted to the hospital.  Today she went for an appt and they have discovered that the baby is breach.  That, combined with high blood pressure and her epilepsy, they have decided to do a  C-section.  Right now I am waiting to hear from her and then I will be going down there.  They are still doing some tests before getting her settled into a room.

Its such a strange mix of emotions.  I am excited, but concerned.  I still don't know if she is ready for all of this, but she will be a mommy very, very soon...

gate to...

Today I saw a gate to nowhere.  It was off the road a ways, open, and behind it just more wooded area.  There was no sign of a "road" or even trail on either side.  It made me wonder what once was.  Someone loved the gate for it was decorated with a large pot of red flowers on each fence post on either side.  I wish I could've stopped and taken a picture.  Maybe next time...