I was content with solitude and loneliness as much as anyone can be, but it seemed better than the alternative. But then I let reality get clouded by sweet words and I forgot. It was fun to pretend, but reality is sneaking it ugly head back up.
I went back to old posts and last year, April 2012 I posted "Anyhow, my revelation is this... I am not meant to be in a relationship. I am toxic. 2ce I have taken good, driven, motivated men, and left them unemployed, and broken. Others would prefer to completely erase me and any knowledge that they ever knew me. That's the part that hurts the most. It makes me wonder truly what is so wrong with me that it is better erase me that admit they know me. However I have taken the hint and am not going to put anyone else through that and stay to myself."
I need to get back to such clarity...
Sweetie, You are not toxic. You are someone who is worth having in our lives. If the man or men that come into your life, throw away jobs and lose themselves in you, then they weren't strong enough of character to stay true to who they are as a person, which would have been the person you fell for to begin with. SO, in honesty, it truly isn't you...it's them! :-D
ReplyDeleteSadly Des, it's not just men. People I once considered friends have the same shy away factor. Not all, of course... but enough, and often enough that it hurts. I used to tell Dana that if she had the same problems, heard the same reasoning's or excuses from different places, different times and the only common denominator is you.... than you are the problem.
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